Prior to 1996, I had not given much thought to same sex marriage. Then, in September of that year, DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, was passed.

Now DOMA confused me. I really did not understand why marriage needed defending. If gay people got married, would that make me want to abandon my wife or make me want to become a gay man? What nonsense! If gays adopted kids who needed homes, wouldn’t that be a good thing, and how was it different from an infertile straight couple who adopted? If gays had legally-recognized families, would they do any worse with the institution of marriage than straight people who for years have sported a 50 percent divorce rate?

In November 1996, as a member of City Council, I proposed that we include in our legislative package a same-sex marriage proposal for consideration by the Virginia General Assembly. Hard to believe that was almost 20 years ago. That was the first legislative proposal for same-sex marriage in Virginia, maybe the first in the country. It didn’t pass, but I can tell you it made for some very interesting politics in my next election six months later.

One of favorite quotes is by Mark Twain, who said, “In the beginning of change, a patriot is a scarce man, brave, hated and scorned, but when his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.”

In a sense, I could be called a patriot. And I am proud that I stood up for what I thought was right, but I have not been alone and I was hardly the first.

I have long been blessed with openly gay family members and an open, progressive church. About five years ago, my Baptist Church, Commonwealth Baptist Church, formally became a welcoming and affirming church — the first Baptist church in Alexandria and one of the first in Virginia. There have been denominational consequences. In a sense, my church could be compared to a patriot.

But the real patriots came long before me or my church.

In 1970, nearly 45 years ago, Jack Baker and Michael McConnell sought a marriage license in Minnesota. They were denied all the way to the US Supreme Court. Baker and McConnell are patriots.

In 1976, Wayne Schwandt and John Fortunato held a public, holy ceremony in D.C., after their church refused to bless them. Schwandt and Fortunato are patriots.

In 1985, Alexandria added sexual orientation as a protected class to its human rights ordinance. Councilman Mike Jackson, a devout Catholic, voted for it. Thereafter, he was refused communion. Mike Jackson is also a patriot.

Martin Luther King, Jr., a patriot for another cause, said “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

We have much to learn from Dr. King and Mark Twain. Together they teach us that the arc of the moral universe is indeed very long, but every day each of us has the opportunity to be a patriot and do the right thing in the face of uncertainty and risk.

Today, you who are publicly seeking marriage licenses, knowing you will be rejected, you are patriots; and we thank you.

Tomorrow will present other challenges along that great moral arc. My prayer is that we all muster the strength to bend that arc toward justice. Amen.